Month: May 2016

The Running of the Roses

The Scotch is back!

It’s been a hectic few months of following the primaries and pouring over the intricacies of water adequacy legislation. There is a lot to write about. This Trump thing is actually real. This #feelthebern thing is still a thing, even though it really shouldn’t still be a thing. State houses across the country have gone completely bat shit with the laws they are passing and the U.S. Congress is taking the opposite approach by doing absolutely nothing (The Speaker is too busy whining to the media about The Donald). The Scotch will get to that and you can also look forward to an epic hike adventure  soon.

But for today – The Ponies! Destin

The Kentucky Derby, the first horse race of the year the casual horse racing fan cares about. It’s the first leg of the overrated triple crown and always the first Saturday in  of the year. Churchill Downs is the most famous horse racing track in the world. Unlike other races and many other sporting events, The Derby has a feel of ungawdly privilege. There is the pageantry, the mint juleps (try one, they’re disgusting) and the hats! Who doesn’t love the hats?!?

Then of course there is the gambling (despite ethical qualms). As you know, The Scotch LOVES to dabble in the world of sports gambling.  “You’re a fucking degenerate” may have been directed this way once or twice. Today is no different. The best thing about betting on the ponies, is that there is much more to horse betting than simply picking the winner. The Scotch isn’t an expert nor one of those 76 year old, über knowledgeable, horse junkie shaking a whittled pencil making complex bets, on the 4am races in the sportsbook at the Mirage. However, there are so many simple and affordable bets to make it entertaining to make this the most enjoyable 2 minutes of the year. Plus, last year’s Superfecta win at the Belmont Stakes will keep us afloat for a while.

If you are fortunate enough to read this prior to gate time; find a buddy to scam (you can also find a hipster trying to sip a mint julep at a local bar) or use the Google machine to find a way to put fake internet dollars on the following:

  • Outright win: Bolo in the undercard race
  • Win/Place/Show: Gun Runner and Suddenbreakingnews
  • Trifecta Box: Nyquist (hate taking the favorites), Mor Spirit and Gun Runner
  • Superfecta Box: Exaggerator, Suddenbreakingnews, Danzing Candy and Outwork
  • Outright win: Destin @+1600

There is your multitude of winning possibilities. It didn’t rain last night so ignore any advice from Kramer! Be careful not to bet more fake internet dollars than you can afford. Keep it fun! And remember there is nothing better than yelling at your teevee  and at a horse you never met, to run faster. 

Oh, and of course – THE HATS!!the hats